Good Cop, Bad Cop

Louise Hickman is the only detective in Eden Vale, Washington, USA. She pleads with her father, Hank, the Chief of Police to hire another detective. Henry left Eden Vale seven years ago due to a disagreement with his father. He's been working as a police officer in Seattle, but is lurked back with the offer to become a detective.

Both Lou and Henry are good detectives in their own way. Lou is the touchy-feely one, who has hunches. Sherlock Holmes is Henry's hero, and he emulates him. He's also autistic. (Sadly the autistic traits shown are played for  laughs, and 'isn't he odd' moments a few too many times for a television program released in 2025.)

At first, I wasn't too sure whether I liked the program, but the characters grew on me, and became very relatable. The stories were non-convoluted and enjoyable. Then I learned the show had been cancelled after just one season.

I watched, and watched, then Netflix  took me to a movie. It was confusing as the story had not been completed. "Ooh, noes! You can't just stop there! These characters need some form of resolution." ... "I can give them this desperately needed completion. I can tie together the flapping story lines." And with that, I started thinking up satisfactory endings for the season and the whole story.

Whilst on a walk with the Offspring, I was explaining all of this and started coming up with story ideas. Then, when we got home, I discovered there's another episode that I haven't seen, the last episode the season. I want to watch it, but I also want to try my hand at writing as if I was one of the writers on the show, and I knew it was the end.

2025 Challenges - June

 

My challenges for this month are to write every day, and to take my medication morning and evening. 

Last month I was incredibly rebellious and my medication taking was 'less than optimal', or more accurately, 'piss poor'. The only person this really hurts is me. So, this month I decide to practise a little 'self-care'. 

The goal was to take my medication properly, each and every morning, and each and every evening. After four days, I felt so much better. This has been as important as push ups, walking and cycling.

I had been writing most days, but it felt like I was trying to squeeze and already squeezed orange, and I was hoping for more juice. A drop or two might come, but it was hard and very unrewarding.

A chat with a local author has changed my mindset. There was a realisation stories morph and change over time. I finally understood the phrase, 'Don't be afraid to kill your darlings.'  My novel was born out of lockdown when I tried to find way around money laundering (intellectual exercise). Over time it has morphed into a love story, and I've been struggling to maintain the money laundering aspects.  I don't have to! I can ditch that part of the story.

Now, things are flowing again. It has become so much easier to write. It makes more sense.  And I'm writing more each day.

2025 Challenges - January

Staying away from Bored Panda for a month was tricky for the first week, and then it became easier and easier. By the end of the month, there was no decisions to be made, it was just something I don't do anymore. If only all time sucky things were so easy to ditch!

Writing every day was also surprisingly easy.  It felt really good putting pen to paper and allowing the Honey Hill story to flow. I had thought all of the research had been done, but no, there's more happening almost every time I write. Thankfully, I've learned to mark my writing, and edit in the researched information.

Another Rotation Around the Sun

A while back, I decided to write every day for 100 days. This worked, but it was such a bind I very quickly fell out of love with blogging and writing.

This year, I'd like to do more blogging, but I shan't be putting pressure on myself to write every day, nor about any particular subject. If it happens, it happens. When it happens, it happens.

As for New Year Resolutions, I have none. However, there are a few goals:

• Duolingo -  I'd like to continue, and learn more
• Crafting - the last 6 items made were for other people. I plan to make more items for myself
• Food - in 2021, I started learning to cook vegan food. A number of those recipes have made it into our meal rotations. This year, I want to learn to cook more vegan dishes
• Street Walkers - the Beloved and I are going to walk all of the streets of our home town. It might not all be accomplished this year, but we're making a good start.
• Cycling - my back loves it when I cycle regularly. It keeps it nice and loose, free of grumbles and pain. This year, I shall cycle on a more regular basis

I need to see a doctor!

Many years ago, Little Miss fell and grazed her knee. I cleaned her up, put cream on the graze, and added a magical plaster. This stopped it all from hurting. 

The following day, on the way to church, the plaster fell off. Little Miss was not impressed, and declared, "I need to see a doctor!" Obviously she didn't, but she was insistent.

When we arrived, I saw a friend. "Hi, Phil. You're a doctor aren't you?"  Phil nodded, and replied 'Yes, but my wife is...' I knew what the end of the sentence and I  did not want Little Miss to hear it, so I stopped him mid-sentence. "Are you a doctor?" Of course, 'Yes' was the answer. "Could you please have a look at Little Miss's leg? She hurt it yesterday, and is a little worried." 

Phil examined the proffered leg. "Ah, yes. This must have been rather sore. However, it looks like it is healing nicely. My prescription is ice cream. Have some ice cream, either after lunch or dinner, and that will help."  Little Miss's eyes grew wide, "Okay!" and she ran off to find her friends.

Phil turned to me and said, "You do realise it's my wife that's a medical doctor. I have PhD in agriculture." Grinning, I replied, "If I had any concerns, I would have taken Little Miss  to see a medical doctor. But, she asked to see a doctor, and  did not specify the type of doctor."

Fired for being kind!

I am not impressed, so very not impressed!  Let me tell you what happened, and you can decide for yourself.

Last Saturday, I was leaving town, the traffic was terrible and we'd waited at the traffic lights for two life times at least. The town was busy, and the bus was crazy busy.  

A little old lady got on the bus. But every single seat was taken. People cast a glance at her, her walking stick, and then looked away. Not one person was willing to get up out of their seat and stand so this lovely old lady could sit down.

"Can't be having that!" thought I. Jumping out of my seat, I offered it to her. She smiled and refused. I offered again. This woman was the age of my dear old Granny, and I'd get a clip around the ear if Granny heard I'd let a wobbly old woman stand. The woman grinned at me, touched my arm and said I'd made her day.

Third time's a charm, so I offered again. This time she laughed and agreed.

On the Monday morning, I walked in to work, and Jimmy shouted that the boss would like to see me. Into the office I strolled, not having a clue what was about to happen. "You're fired!  Andy will accompany you to your locker. You will clean out your belongings, and you will leave!"  I spluttered, "What? Why?" The boss stood up, and locked their eyes on mine, "You gave up your seat for an old woman. Get out!"

So that's the story: old woman needed a seat on the bus. No one would give her their seat, so I did. You'd do the same, wouldn't you?

If anyone hears of job openings for a bus driver, please do let me know.

The Twelve Days of Christmas

Nine years ago, things got a little dicey in the shower room whilst I was painting.

I had managed to enter without my Kindle, and my hands were so covered in paint that I would not touch it even if it had been there. This meant I had to make my own entertainment. For some reason I started singing the Twelve Days of Christmas whilst painting. I was doing well until 'four'. It turned out there were 'four something-somethings'. But apart from that the song progressed well until day 10.

It was at that point I really started deviating from the original lyrics. On the 10th day a restraining order was taken out because I was knee-deep in bird poo, had poisoned my family with too many pears and goose eggs. The 11th day was spent hiring a hitman, and the 12th day was spent in the peace of a jail cell.

It is often not a good idea for me to make my own entertainment.

Shark Attack!

"Hello, Mrs Dixon?  It's Oakwood Primary School."

"I'm afraid there's been a little incident in school today. Maria was bitten. The skin hasn't been broken, but there will be bruising. She is tearful, but okay."

"No, no. she says she'll be fine and she doesn't need you to come to school to pick her up. Currently she is comforting the child who bit her. We just wanted to let you know what's happened."

That's pretty much how the conversation with the school administrator went. The conversation with Maria was a little different.

"Yes, I'm fine," said in a confused tone, after all the biting incident was a whole 90 minutes ago. 

"Oh!  That!  Last week were visited the Sea Life Centre, and decided to play  'Shark Attack! It was fun. We were swimming out beyond the Great Barrier Reef, and Julie attacked me. She grabbed my fin (holds up arm), and bit! Hard!  I cried, and Julie cried. She didn't realise she'd bitten me so hard. She was so sad I gave her cuddles and told her it was okay. Next time we play she is going to be a Basking shark, and not a Great White."

Driving Without Due Care And Attention

"Mr Anderson, how do you plead to the charge of 'Driving without due care and attention?" 

"Not guilty." 

The trial started and PC Robertson took to the stand. Flipping open his daybook, he read out his notes: 22.04, 18th of June 1991, approx. 200m from Junction 10 on the northbound M9, Charles Anderson recorded travelling at 114mph. Confirmed by PC Wilson, and Mr Anderson himself.

Charles Anderson nodded along, visually confirming everything the young police constable had said. Then, he took the stand.

Charles' lawyer spoke to his client. "As PC Robertson was reading out the details you appeared to be agreeing with the facts. Is this correct?" 

"Yes, I agree that on the 18th of June, I was driving towards Stirling at 114mph."

"Mr Anderson, you agree with the officer, but yet you pleaded 'not guilty'. Can you please explain this apparent discrepancy?"

"Certainly. Careless driving is an offence under the Scottish Road Traffic Act 1988 section 3. It is driving a "motor vehicle on a road in a manner that falls below what would be expected of a competent and careful driver” or driving  "without reasonable consideration for other persons using the road". To be  convicted of driving without due care and attention  it must be shown that the driver departed from 'the standard of a reasonably prudent and competent driver in all the circumstances of the case'."

"Mr Anderson, were you driving below the standards of a 'competent and careful driver'?"

"No, I was not. The weather was dry, visibility excellent. Whilst it was after 10pm, the light levels were very good, and the road was empty, apart from PC Robertson's police car."

"Please comment on the speed at which you were driving."

"I freely admit I was driving to the conditions, not the speed limit. However, I have not been charged with speeding, but with driving without due care and attention. I maintain I was driving safely, and within my capabilities."

"Mr Anderson, can you please explain to the court how do you know your capabilities?"

"I am an advanced driving instructor, and I train the Police in high speed driving and pursuit. I also teach officers how to drive in adverse weather conditions. As part of my job, I am required to undergo regular testing to ensure I can drive at speed safely, and with due care and attention."

The Justice of the Peace scowled slight, then cleared her throat. "I think we have heard enough. Mr Anderson, you are free to go. It is clear you are innocent of the charge brought against you. However, I'd like to have a quiet word with PC Robertson about charging a person with right bloody crime!

----

Many years ago, a colleague gave me a lift to Stirling each day, and she told me, with great glee of a recent case her husband had defended. The names, times and places have been changed. But there was indeed a man who was charged with driving without due care and attention. He did indeed train police offices in how to drive safely at speed, and the Justice of the Peace was not at all impressed.

Rude Words!

A few years back, in the spring, we were driving in the countryside. By the road were glorious daffodils; a "thousand saw I at a glance, tossing their heads in sprightly dance."

And, I burst out laughing, then said, "Oooh, that was naughty, wasn't it." The others in the car looked over and asked for more information.

This is when I explained that I wanted to plant lots and lots of daffodil bulbs, enough bulbs to spell out rude words. A look of consternation crossed the Beloved's face, and he asked, "Which rude words?" Grinning, I explained I wanted to spell "rude words - R U D E  W O R D S".

They all laughed, and agreed that it was indeed naughty.

Each spring, whilst others might think wistfully of longer days, more light, and cherry blossom, I think of 'Rude Words'. 

Mary Shelley by Frankenstein

Ah, the classics! ''Great Expectations' by Dickens, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer' by  Twain, 'Mary Shelley' by Frankenstein, .... yeah, something a little off there!

But.... what if it wasn't? Why would Dr Frankenstein make of the story of Mary Shelley? Would this unconventional scientist view this outsider as a heroine, as a tragic figure, or would he look down on her for flouting so many of the societal conventions of the day?

I think I need to find out.  It's time to delve into the life of Mary Shelley, her husband, parents, family, her life choices, and also to learn of Dr Frankenstein.  

In One Fowl Swoop

The Two Ronnies were the mainstay of my Saturday evening viewing when I was a child. These comedians had such a way with language. Their wordplay tickled my brain in all the right ways.

Puns, mondegreens and malapropisms can be used so creatively. Today was the day I learned of another category of such wordplay, 'eggcorns'. They tend to happen when people aren't familiar with a word in a phrase, and substitute a different word that almost makes sense. A person might mishear Alzheimer's Disease as 'Old Timers Disease'. The image above shows 'one fowl swoop'. The original phrase is 'in one fell swoop', but people unfamiliar with 'fell' (unsparing, grim, fierce, ruthless) have replaced with with 'foul', which makes a great deal of sense, and 'fowl', which doesn't.

Professor Mark Liberman was discussing the example of a woman who used 'egg corn' instead of 'acorn'. He noted this specific type of substitution lacked a name. A fellow linguist suggested using 'egg corn' itself as a label. Over time this morphed into 'eggcorn'.

Of all of the examples given, there was only one that I have used, 'to the manor born'. The correct term is 'to the manner born', a line from Hamlet. In my defense, I have not read Hamlet, and there was a television program in the early 1980s called 'To the Manor Born'.

The one I plan on using is 'in one fowl swoop', but it will involve  a chicken doing something rather foul. If I can make the chicken evil enough, it might even be 'fell'.

70 Days So Far

Seventy days into the challenge caused me to pause and reflect. 

One realisation is I am a storyteller, not a writer. For me, writing is simply a way to record, of preserving the stories. 

Many of the stories I have written in the last 70 days have been retellings of real, or slightly fictional events. Very few have been created from my own imagination. I spent a while wondering if this was good, or bad. People like the Grimm Brothers came to mind, they collected folk tales from the oral tradition, polished them, and presented these updated stories to a much wider audience. Who knows whether these fold tales would have survived into the modern, industrial age if they hadn't been collected, published, and preserved on paper.

Next I thought of HC Andersen, and the beautiful stories he brought into being. His stories can be viewed on a number of different levels, and bring a social commentary to his time.

Perhaps, for the rest of this challenge, I'll try to write more original stories rather than retelling old ones.

B Kinematic

Looking back, I've no idea why we didn't spot it earlier, but as they say, "hindsight is 20/20". We can view events in the past with such clarity, but when living through events it can be such a muddle.

When my husband became ill, and was unable to work. Money was incredibly tight, and we were scrimping and saving almost every penny. We had been so worried about our first Christmas. How would we be able to celebrate if we could barely afford to buy the basics? 

This was the first time we received a package from 'B Kinematic'. We'd never heard of the company before, and we certainly hadn't ordered from them. However, the order had our name and address. The contents were for us. Oh, and those contents! There were all sorts of Christmas goodies, from cranberry sauce to stollen, little boxes of delicious chocolate truffles, gifts, and some practical things too.  Looking back, the total value of the gift box wasn't huge, but... let me rephrase, the total cost of the gift wasn't huge, but the value was immense.

Over the years, we received a number of gifts from 'B Kinematic'. There was never a return address, nor contact details, no email address, and no telephone number. There seemed to be no rhythm to the arrival of these gifts, apart from we received them when we needed help. Sometimes, we even received the help before we knew we needed it. 

When we were in our 50s, we read an article about how so many people in their early years of adulthood struggled with funds, but by the time they are in their 50s-80s, money is a great deal freer. This certainly matched our experience.

It wasn't until I hit 60, and started doing a lot of crosswords that I realised 'B Kinematic' was an anagram of 'back in time'. That's when we started learning all we could about time travel. We kept hitting brick wall after brick wall. People were convinced we were totally loopy, and at last we had become the mad scientists we were destined to be. 

One day, we were on the verge of packing it all in, and admitting defeat. That was the day we received a card from 'B Kinematic'. Inside was little letter outlining the history of the company, our company! We were listed as the founders, but it was our grandchildren who were the ones who cracked the secret of time travel. How this all works is literally a mystery to me. We've no idea how the time travel paradoxes will be avoided. Thankfully, that for our grandchildren to figure out.

Pandas - the Vegan Carnivores

"Pandas are NOT bears!" This a phrase I heard throughout my childhood, and also my children's.  However, in 2009, it was established pandas are indeed bears. A panda's genome was sequenced, and the information unlocked firmly places pandas in the family Ursidae and the order Carnivora. 

They produce amylase, cellulase and maltase, all necessary enzymes to digest meat. They do not create enzymes for digesting bamboo, and bamboo is a huge part of a giant panda's diet. It is thought the panda's gut bacteria is responsible for the breakdown of bamboo.

Pandas have a mutation in the T1R1 gene. This is an umami detector, and allows us to find pleasure in meats, cheese, and other protein-rich food. Bamboo, and bamboo shoots especially, are very high in protein. They have some carbohydrates, lots of minerals, and are low in fat. 

Essentially pandas are vegan carnivores. They have found a fake meat, and love it.

The Capybaras' Revenge

In 1999, a gated community was constructed in Benavidez, Buenos Aires, Brazil. It was created in a wetlands area, and it is a beautiful housing estate with rivers, and pools, shady areas, parks and golf courses. 

The area this development was built on was a traditional capybara breeding ground. Naturally, the human encroachment resulted in a huge decline in the population. Over time, the capybaras learned to keep to the waterside, in the tree line, and to the roads.

However, during the lockdowns of Covid, the capybaras experienced freedom, freedom from quite so many humans, and also so many cars. Their numbers rose by 16% in a single year. 

The next summer, there was a drought, and these rodents of unusual size became emboldened as they sought food. Particularly attractive was the grass on the golf courses, and also rose bushes - those were wonderful! Gardens became the capybaras' larder, and they enjoyed themselves fully.

As people started returning to the outside world, the capybaras largely ignored them. Now, the people are shouting about the 'rodent invasion', and how 'something must be done'. And those outside the gated communities are replying with comments about the 'human invasion' of the capybaras' lands, and the 'something' is the gated-people need to learn to live with their neighbours.

The Swing Set

When the Elder Offspring was 8, and the little one, just 6, we bought a swing set for the garden. The children were delighted. And we noticed how thoughtful and considerate the Elder Offspring had become.

It was a hot summer's day when we were erecting it, and the EO kept us topped up with cool drinks. These drinks were so very much appreciated. Then just before noon, they came out with a tray of sandwiches, crisps and cake. We were utterly delighted by their thoughtfulness!

It wasn't until about 20 years later we heard their version of the story. "I want Mam and Dad to finish putting the swing set together. If I keep giving them drinks, and make lunch they will keep working, and the swing set will be ready quickly." 

I don't know whether to be delighted with their logic, or a bit miffed that we were 'played'.

No!

There comes a point in most children's lives when they learn the power of the word, 'no'. For my elder child, they really didn't start using this word until they were around two and a half.

We had tried very hard to give as many age-appropriate choices as we could to allow them to have control over their own world. In the morning, I'd choose two outfits that would be appropriate for that day's activities, and ask them which one they would prefer to wear. At breakfast, I'd offer 'Toast or cereal', and they could choose. These choices made no difference to my life, but make a huge difference to their life.

One day, after lunch, held out a little chocolate bar. "Would you like a Freddo?" I asked, and a cheerful, "No." was the response. A very puzzled look crossed my face. "Are you sure? I asked. "Would you like some chocolate?" Normally the answer would be an emphatic, "Yes.", but today there was another cheerful, "No."

At this point I realised they were experimenting with a new word, and a new power. I wanted to ensure this little one learned the importance of saying, 'no', and that their 'no' should mean 'no'. 

Looking down at my child, I smiled and said, "Okay. You are saying you don't want this chocolate bar." There was a shocked look on that little face, but I continued, "That's fine. You don't have to eat it just now. What I'll do is put it here on the table. If you change your mind and decide you do want chocolate you can come and get the Freddo. It's your chocolate and you can choose when you want to eat it." I was about to finish with an "Okay?" but thankfully realised this would be met with a 'No.'

The chocolate bar was placed on the edge of the table, right where a chocolate loving two year old could reach. I turned my back to tidy away things in the kitchen, and when I turned back the chocolate had disappeared.  I smiled and continued about my day. 

Hey! You're Supposed To Be Working!

Years ago, the Elder Offspring had a blind boyfriend. He had a beautiful Guide Dog. We, as a family, were trained in how to act around Guide Dogs. The secret is whilst when they are in harness, they are working, and should be ignored. When they are out of harness, they can be treated as family pets.

One time I was out in WHSmith, looking at stationery. A wet nose materialised in my hand, and automatically, I started stroking the dog. Then my brain kicked in, dogs don't normally come into stationery shops. Without thinking, I corrected the dog, "Hey, stop that, you are meant to be working, not mootching around for cuddles." The dog's handler sighed, and apologised. I explained I would be very happy to cuddle her dog all afternoon, but I know that would be the wrong thing to do as this is a working dog. She laughed and asked if I might be able to try to get it into this dog's 'thick head'.

Just Don't Pee In The Corner, Again

Whilst telling the Offspring about the weird blog post, 'Just Don't Pee In The Corner', they burst out laughing. It turns out they remember the story perfectly!  

A while back, a woman poked her head into the shop and asked if she could bring her dog inside. I saw a service vest on the dog and replied, 'Service animals are always welcome.' She entered and explain this was a puppy in training, not a fully qualified animal. 'Yes, of course the puppy can come in. How will they learn how to cope in different settings if they are not exposed to them?' I grinned at the handler and followed up with 'Just don't pee in the corner', meaning the human, not the animal.  The human laughed. We went on to have a great chat about the the tasks this particular dog was being trained for.

A little while later, and small child (maybe 6 years old) came into the shop, shouted 'Puppy!' and made a bee line for the dog. I interposed myself between the child and the puppy, and explained this puppy was very busy. It was learning how to help people who couldn't see, and it was very important not to distract the puppy whilst it was learning. I suggested the child wave at the person training the puppy, and let them know they liked their puppy. The child complied and waved. After the child had gone, the puppy trainer expressed their thanks and mentioned how often children run up to puppies and distract them.